A Ramble About Birthdays

I cant remember the names of songs or who sang them. If you asked me if I'd ever listened to a song, I'm 90% sure I'd reply, “I don’t know.” I'm also bad at remembering important dates. There's certain peoples birthdays I've made sure to burn into my memory. I remember my friend from elementary school’s birthday is April seventh even though I haven’t spoken to her in at least ten years. I remember it partly because my sister's birthday is April 17^th. I think I used to use my sisters birthday to remember my friends birthday. I remember Dad's birthday in October because October is Halloween month. I remember Drew’s birthday, Jessica's birthday, Jessica's son's birthday, and a few other friends birthdays.

I made myself forget Mom's birthday. I used to know it. My sister would remind me every year to make sure I hadn’t forgotten so I could make her a birthday card. I made myself forget it because of my falling out with Mom. I didn’t want anything to do with her. I still don’t really care to be around her, but now we've progressed to the point where where I'm comfortable saying happy birthday and texting her occasionally. I forgot to tell her this year. I forgot to text her happy birthday in time. Drew's moms birthday is exactly one month before my own mother's birthday. I remembered to text Drew's mom happy birthday. I forgot my own mother. I felt bad about it despite our strained relationship. I had been thinking about it a few days before and reminding myself of the date. But then Drew’s disability decision came and I got distracted. It took over my mind. All I could think about was that he got approved and that I was stressed out about some of it and before I knew it, it was three days past the 21^st and I had forgotten to text my mother happy birthday. I've never been late telling her happy birthday before. Never. I felt bad. I still feel bad about it. If she was hurt by it somehow, I couldn’t tell over the few texts we exchanged.

I always forget to get cards on time. Every year I think, “It would be nice to do Christmas cards this year.” Then Christmas time rolls around and I don’t buy Christmas cards because, like usual, I'm trying to stick to my grocery list when I'm at the store instead of spending on things I don’t need. Then Christmas comes and goes and it's too late to send cards. And of course I never think to pick up discount cards that go on sale after Christmas. Every time I think about getting a birthday card for someone, it’s a week before the persons birthday and I put off getting the card because I think I have time. And then I try to work out when the mail gets to the person's house, and then it ends up being too late to send a card that will get there before the birthday, so I just shoot them a HBD text instead. The same goes for holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day. On the other hand, when I think about buying cards, I convince myself it’s a waste of money because that person is eventually going to throw that card in the trash anyway. Which is true, but the thought counts for a lot, and people enjoy getting mail that isn’t bills and I like sending mail, so why do I do that?

I don’t know if I actually have a bad memory or if I just need to act instead of trying to plan everything, because clearly, that is not going well. I like birthdays. The older you get, the less they matter, but it’s the one day that everyone treats you special just for existing. I get excited about other peoples birthdays. I like seeing people be excited about their birthdays and having a good time.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little ramble and that you have a more functional memory than I do.

TTFN,

Paige 💜