Untidy

I wish I lived a minimalist life. Things would be easier. All I would need is a bed with one set of sheets and one lamp and some books. I would only have one bottle of shampoo and one bottle of conditioner instead of 7. I would have two chairs instead of 10. I would only have a few key pieces of clothing instead of a mound of laundry. Most of all I wouldn't have mess. I wouldn't get frustrated when things get out of place and I have to reorganize them for the 15th time. If I misplaced my keys there would only be a few places to look.

Instead, I was made to be a messy person who holds onto math assignments from high school and hordes hole-y t-shirts. My kitchen table is always full of junk mail, jackets, packs of batteries, and bags of dry cat food. Untidy blankets lay across the couches in my living room. Candles live in clusters on any given flat surface and cat toys litter the floor. Drawers and cabinets are full of gadgets and objects I rarely use but keep in case I need them in the future. I have ten cookbooks gathering dust in my kitchen cabinet. I've never used them. I get all of my recipes online or have them saved to my computer.

I'm beginning to question if I don't have enough storage or I just have too much stuff. Or maybe it's neither of those and I just don't know how to properly organize. It doesn't matter too much that my apartment doesn't look like a picture in a magazine because most of the time, Drew and I are the only ones who see it. When someone is coming over, I usually end up stashing clutter in the bedroom until everyone leaves. There's probably plenty of things I could get rid of and wouldn't even miss. But, I know myself well enough to know that as soon as I got rid of something, I would need it. Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll be without the things I own. How will I define myself if I get rid of the things that make up my life? (Also, what will my cat have to climb on and destroy if I get rid of all the things I don't need lol.)

I wish I was the kind of person who could live in a space with a bed and a book and a fridge to my name and be happy, but that's not me. I have instruments and mismatched chairs and piles of laundry that I never fold. I have a cat who likes to chew my things and shed fur all over my house. "A place for everything and everything in its place". Here I exist in my place full of things without places.


Paige 💜

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